


I'll Follow You to the End

by Persnicketese



Series: The Lioness of Ostwick [1]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Romance, a little of everything
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-02
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-02-27 04:09:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2678492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Persnicketese/pseuds/Persnicketese
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alis Trevelyan had planned to attend the Conclave because her father asked nicely. How could she refuse him? She fully intended to go back to Ostwick as soon as she was able. Life never works out as it is supposed to, does it? Finding her way as the Inquisitor as she seeks to bring down the Elder One and save all of Thedas is the easy part. Navigating the new feelings for a certain Commander Cullen, however, might be the death of her.</p>
<p>Non-sequential snap shots in the life and romance of Trevelyan and Cullen. Spoilers will be marked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Oh Maker

“You're in love with her.”

Leliana's words were blunt enough to jar Cullen from his thoughts. “What are you talking about?”

The spymaster wore a knowing smile and Cullen caught on. Andraste preserve him. “I've seen the way you look at her. Especially when you think no one is watching. It's in your voice, in your actions and it is even more plainly written on your face.” 

Josephine joined in without ever looking up from the missive she was writing. “Honestly Commander, it would be easier if you just admit it to yourself, and then preferably to her.”

Heat washed over his face and shot down his neck. Suddenly his armor felt entirely too hot and stifling. He refused to look either of them in the face and instead decided the war table was infinitely more interesting. “I don't know what you two are talking about.”

“Stubborn man.” Leliana chided though mirth was clear in her voice. “You can deny it all you want, but it is clear as day to anyone with eyes.”

“It's unfortunate the Inquisitor is as oblivious as he is.” Josephine sighed as she rolled up the paper and went to put a seal on it. “The only one who should see it and probably isn't.”

“Quite, though she will eventually figure it out. She is a smart girl, just not too observant. It's better if you come clean Commander instead of drawing this out.” Leliana took the letter from Josephine and tucked it away to send it off with a raven later.

“It is getting rather painful watching you two fumble around each other. If you need help, we're more than happy to offer it.” The ambassador said with an irritating amount of cheerfulness. 

Maker have mercy on him, he was being attacked on two fronts. It was a battle he decided he could not win and retreat was probably the best course of action. He cleared his throat and gathered up the reports he needed. “I believe I have business to attend to. Thank you very much for the offer but no assistance is necessary.”

“Ah, so you'll tell her. Very good. We wish you luck then, Commander.” Leliana patted him on the shoulder before she and Josephine headed out of the war room, talking softly to one another.

He suddenly wanted to be bang his head against the nearby wall and find somewhere to disappear to for awhile. Cullen folded the reports under his arm and began the walk back to his tower. He tried to turn his focus on what he needed to do but Leliana's words dogged his every step.

He was in love with the Inquisitor? He had to admit there was something there. What that something was, he didn't know. She was beautiful, to be sure, with quick wits and even quicker sword. He admired her, that much was true. Cullen found himself unable to get her out of his thoughts. It had been getting worse of late, but was it really love?

Cullen had never been in love before as far as he knew. He had thought so once with a girl from the Circle, but he had long ago realized it was a childish crush and nothing more. No, for him it had been a crush here or there and women he found beautiful and admirable but nothing ever more than that. Love had never been part of it. He wasn't sure if he was able to love after everything he had gone through. He certainly felt like he wasn't worthy of it even if he was capable of it.

Even if he felt love for Trevelyan and she somehow felt the same, would he be good enough for her to even entertain any thought of a relationship? He didn't feel like he was. Cullen certainly wasn't proud of who had he been, and who he was now was something even he wasn't sure of. He had nothing to offer her except a mess of broken pieces of a past that was less than sterling. Someone like her deserved better than someone like him. 

He caught sight of her in the yard as he made his way towards his tower. She was over by the practice dummies, her greatsword flashing in the late morning light. Her skin was flushed and coated in a fine sheen of sweat as her red hair glowed in the sun. Cullen's heart tumbled in his chest as he watched, skipping beats in time with the movement of her blade.

Some part of him wanted to go over to her and confess everything he held bottled up inside. He played it over and over again in his head as he had for weeks, though he'd never admit to anyone. Cullen knew what he wanted to say, how he wanted to tell her everything he held deep in his heart. The words were there waiting to be said, but he'd lock them away. It was better this way.

She'd deserved better than him and could give her everything she needed. He knew this, but yet he wanted more than anything to be that person. He wanted to be the one to hold her, to love her and make her happy. He didn't know if he could, no matter how badly he wanted to.

Practice ended and she sheathed her sword as she walked off to go get cleaned up. The spell had been lifted as she left, and he finally was able to break away and move on. How long had he been standing there watching her? Maker, he hoped no one noticed. 

He turned away and continued towards back towards his duties, his head a muddled mess now. The recent chess game played in his head even as he told himself she deserved better. The look on her face as she suggested they spend more time together. The shy smile that played her lips and the glimmer of something more in her eyes. They way she repeated herself because she was so distracted and the flush as he pointed out.

Every moment they spent together and every word she said to him called to him to let his fear go and embrace her. The way she blushed when he flirted back when he could no longer help himself and the look in her eyes when she flirted with him. The way she leaned in when they talked, and how he wanted nothing more than see if her lips really were as soft as they looked.

He closed the door to his office and leaned against it. Why was this so hard? He felt his heart hammer in his chest, trying to escape and run to her. Cullen shook his head to free it of the torrent of emotions that was drowning everything else in its wake. Even in the whirlwind of thoughts she was there in the center of it all. 

A small voice in the back of his head began to speak again. He had ignored it as much as it could but of late it had been growing stronger. Why not him? Why couldn't he at least try? The more he thought about it the more he didn't care about what ifs. He'd make himself into a man that was worthy of her love. He wanted to be the one to love her. Cullen would do anything for that; for her. 

Maker's breath, he did love her. 

He placed the reports down and paced his office. His hands behind his back he tried to marshal his thoughts into order. Maybe he should say something after all. He knew what he wanted to say but he was sure it'd come out a tangled mess. Being around her always somehow tied his tongue. Perhaps he should ask Josephine and Leliana for help.

His train of thought was disrupted by a knock on the door. He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Just what he needed. “Enter.”

The door creaked open and Trevelyan stood there, having cleaned up from her morning practice. She looked troubled. He stopped his pacing and felt his heart return to trying to escape. He cleared his throat and fought to keep his voice steady lest she figure out what was going on inside of him. “Did you need something, Inquisitor?”

Their eyes met for a moment before she looked away. Her cheeks were a bright pink even in the dim light of his tower. She shifted from one foot to another before asking. “I was wondering if we could talk. Alone?”

Oh Maker.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot I had this written. This is obviously set up right before Utter Mess. Figured I'd post it up now. ^^


	2. An Utter Mess

[Slight Spoilers for Beginning of the Romance]

Maker have mercy on her soul, she was awful at this.

Inquisitor Alis Trevelyan, Herald of Andraste was a complete and utter mess. She had no issues slaying demons, sealing rifts, and leading the Inquisition. Ask her to talk to Commander Cullen and suddenly couldn't string two coherent words together. This was unacceptable.

Andraste's flaming knickers, what was wrong with her? She'd was well known for being able to make the noble ladies swoon and wrap men around her finger back home. It was a skill and one she was really, really good at. For some reason all that talent dried up and floated away on the wind the second she saw Cullen's face. It was both awe-inspiring and infuriating at once. She had to know his secret on how he managed to do that. 

Instead the only thing she was able to do was awkwardly attempt to flirt with him, and hope the Maker took pity on her. It never worked. She supposed the Maker was a bit busy these days. Though considering how flustered she was making the poor Commander on every attempt, she figured she wasn't doing too poorly. 

At first she had thought it was a mere infatuation that she was dealing with. Alis was used to those. He was, after all, extremely handsome with a voice that could melt her knickers off 20 yards off. Despite his propensity towards looking serious all the time, he was also a gentle, caring soul. 

Any thought that this might be some futile crush on her end was gone the moment Haven fell. The second Alis offered to sacrifice herself to save everyone all she had to do was to see the look on Cullen's face. Walking away towards an unknown fate and never knowing if she'd see him again terrified her. She hadn't ever known feelings like that before. 

After they had a brief respite when setting up Skyhold she found herself fumbling around with her feelings and words. Mentioning how close it had been, tried to say how she had been relieved to see him make it. 

She was about to write it off as a loss when he mentioned that she had almost died. The emotion in his voice stopped her dead. He wouldn't allow for anything like that to happen again, he promised. Though he had mostly stumbled his way through saying so, his own fumbling had only made things harder. 

A crush? No longer, if it had ever been. This was different. Deeper, stronger, and more powerful a feeling than she had ever felt in her life. Maker preserve her. 

It had been further brought home after the chess match. Alis normally loved games of strategy. With him around she could barely focus and half the time couldn't remember how pieces were supposed to move. Though the the smile on Cullen's face made her wonder if he had been just as distracted as she had been. 

Andraste help her, the look he gave her while they were playing turned her insides to butterflies. Even well after the game ended, she could hardly set herself to any work. The only thing she could think of was that smile and how soft his voice was. She wanted to roll around in that voice. She also wanted to ask if he was secretly a mage, because that had to be magic. He had to be magic.

She agonized over it for long days and nights, turning into an awful mess every time she was near Cullen. Which was extremely unfortunate considering he was one of her advisors. It made trying to get work done at the War Table near impossible. Steel in her spine and a stiff upper lip got her through more times then not, but she'd have to ask him to repeat himself a couple times every now and then because his voice made her mind turn to fluff. 

Idly she wondered how she managed not to turn a million shades of red and drool over herself in front of everyone every time he was in the room with her. She'd reward herself by knicking sweets from the kitchen pantry for successfully not falling to pieces around him. Considering that small miracle she started to wonder if maybe the Maker was really looking out for her.

Finally when it had become too much, she decided action was needed. Alis was much better when she was on the attack rather than on the defensive. So, she summoned every ounce of will and strength within her, and walked into Cullen's office to talk with him. It was a foolish plan, but the only one she could think of. It'd have to do.

He was behind his desk reading some documents when she marched right up to him. Some tiny part of her told her to take it as a sign and leave before she engaged in a battle she would probably not win. However the she never ran from a battle. She wouldn't start now.

She cleared her throat to get his attention and watched his gaze come up and meet hers. Her resolve was starting to weaken. “Was there something you needed?” Maker help her.

“I thought we could talk. Alone?” Shockingly her voice was level despite her tumbling stomach and heart. Alis made a mental note to reward herself later with more sweets if she lived through this. 

It must have caught him off guard. He worked his mouth for a moment before he was able to speak. “Alone? I mean, of course.”

First goal achieved. Now it was time to move the field of battle. She took a steadying breath and motioned to the side door. A walk on the ramparts would be the best bet. Though they were patrolled, it meant the best chance to alone as they had in Skyhold.

The chill of the snow capped mountains nipped at her skin the second she was outside, but she barely felt it. She swore the heat that was sitting in her cheeks would be enough to melt every bit of snow in the Frostback Mountains, probably cause massive flooding in their wake. 

She had been so consumed with own thoughts that she barely caught that Cullen was trying to talk to her. Alis looked up to see him rub the back of his neck with a gloved hand. “It's a nice day.”

“What?” She blurted the word out before she could stop it and inwardly curse that she was going to ruin her chance talking with him if she kept that up. Maker, give her strength.

“It's...There was something you wished to discuss?” He asked stopping to look down at her. His face looked how her insides felt and it made her wonder if Cullen was feeling the same way she was or maybe he was attempting to figure out how to decline her kindly. 

It didn't matter because there went her heart, trying to desperately escape her chest and flee. If she couldn't run, neither could it. Alis steeled herself and focused on the words she wanted to say so she wouldn't drop them carelessly in front of him. “Cullen, I...I find myself thinking of you. More than...well all the time, really. You're always in my thoughts, and I care about you. A lot.”

Maker preserve her, she fucked it up anyway.

She prepared for the worst but it never came. No soft let down, no rejection in sight. Instead there were soft words that came out haltingly, if not a bit anxious. Soft and sweet to her ears. “I can't say that I haven't wondered what it would be like. You and I, I mean.”

Her heart stopped dead in her chest as she heard him say that. Alis was sure she was going to follow it in a moment. Wondered what it might be like between them? Maker have mercy. 

“What's stopping you?” Her mouth moved without thinking but it was too late. She was afraid to know the answer but more afraid of what might happen if she never asked.

The words were out of his lips the second she asked, as if he had recited them to himself like a litany. “You're the Inquisitor. We're at war.” Cullen stated his reasoning as if it were clear as day and an immutable fact. The Inquisitor was someone beyond his reach and the war a rift that would keep them apart.

He drew a shuddering breath and the mixed emotions so raw in his eyes took her breath away. “And you...I didn't think it was possible.”

That nearly rocked her back on her heels. Alis didn't know what hit her harder the fact that he felt the way she did or the fact that he felt he thought they could never be? Had she made him feel like that? Maker's breath, she hoped not, but she wouldn't let those thoughts hold him any longer. Now that she knew how he felt she'd let nothing come between them. Not if she could help it.

Alis leaned against the cold stone of the rampart as she looked up at him. In that moment she knew there would be no more fumbling around with her emotions. The reasons why they couldn't be crumbled into dust, as they should have long ago. She smiled as she felt confidence return once more. The battle was won.

“And yet I'm still here. Exactly where I want to be.”

The look on Cullen's face changed in the beat of a heart. A smile that rivaled the sun in all of its glory lit up his face. He closed the gap between the two of them and she could feel the warmth of his body envelop her as she breathed in his scent of leather, steel and sweat. It was almost more than she could handle and yet she wanted more. It was everything she had dreamed of. He was everything she had dreamed of.

His voice dropped low, and it danced along her spine as it caressed against her. “So you are...It seems too much to ask, but I want to.” 

The space between them vanished and Alis' knees went weak. She felt him his lips come to claim her and she raised her head to meet him. His breath mingled with hers when she heard the door nearly slam open nearby. “Commander?”

Of course. Andraste's tits, of course this had to happen.

Cullen immediately pulled back and the irritation was nearly palpable. It cleared the head of the fluff and heat that had taken up residence as he turned to face down the soldier who had suddenly burst their little bubble.

The idea of hiding came to mind, so no one could see how she was suddenly dying of embarrassment. She brought her hand up to hide the blush that quickly spread from her cheeks to her ears and down her neck. Idly she tried to figure out how she could make herself unseen at the drop of a hat. She'd have to ask Cole sometime.

The soldier was too engrossed in the report in his hands to notice that his commanding officer was none too pleased with the interruption and perhaps plotting said soldier's demise. She would have felt a pang of pity for the poor man, but she was too busy figuring out how best to disappear. 

“What?” There was the lion of a commander once again with his voice a deep growl that could cow just about anyone. A little voice inside Alis told her that if that soldier did not start to notice how displeased Cullen was there would be some not so fun missions for him in the future. Possibly having to be waist deep in manure for starters.

“Sister Lelianna's report. You wanted it delivered 'without delay'.” The man repeated. Though he finally looked to face his commander, if not a bit too late. 

Though Alis attempted not to notice what was going on, she could tell the look on Cullen's face was probably slightly intimidating. A moment or two passed before the soldier caught on and quickly started his retreat. “Or...to your office...right.”

Alis could hear the door to slam behind the man as he left as quick as he could. She let go of the breath she had been holding and tried not to slump against the stone wall behind her. Never had she felt so awkward in her life, and there was that one time with the sister in the chantry during the festival that came to mind. 

Worry bubbled up that whatever moment they had between them was past. That what had occurred was beyond her reach now. She couldn't meet his gaze for fear of what she might see there and what it might do to her. The words came quick as her mind whirled to figure out what to say. “If you need to-”

Those words were cut off as Cullen cupped her face in his hands and pressed his lips against hers. The surprise gasp that left her was all she could muster up as whatever she was going to say stilled in her throat. Maker's breath, he was good.

Wrapping her arms around him she closed her eyes and she enjoyed the feeling of his lips on hers. He kissed her more fiercely than she had ever been kissed before and it felt like the greatest victory she'd ever achieved. He tasted like heaven. 

Sooner than she would have liked he broke the kiss. She slowly opened her eyes to see him sheepishly smiling down at her. It made her heart tumble into her stomach for good. She was lost but wanted no help getting back. She was in a better place, Maker be praised.

“I'm sorry. That was, um, really nice.” He was blushing. Dear Maker, he was blushing and it was wonderful. She was definitely gone. Alis wanted it on her tombstone that she died a happy woman having seeing the Maker's finest work.

There was no keeping the wicked smile off of her face as she felt his arms wrap around her. She felt the heat in her cheeks work its way through her body. There was a matching heat in his eyes, though a bit of shyness still there.

She reached up to brush a hand across his cheek. The stubble there was rough beneath her finger tips but it felt every bit as good as the finest silk for Orlais. “Do you regret it?” 

What little sheepishness was there was gone as the heat in his eyes taking over. His voice grew deeper again and she melted into his embrace as he leaned forward, his words licking against her lips. “No. Not at all.”

They kissed again, this time letting themselves enjoy it. It was deep and wild, passionate and gentle all the same. Her hands climbed up his back as she held onto to him to keep herself upright. His hands on her hips brought her closer still until there was no room between them. Nothing would get between them any longer, she decided.

How long they stood like that she had no clue, but when they finally broke apart something was different. The way he held himself, the look in his eyes, and the way she felt, it all seemed like it was right. Things were as they should be.

She brushed her lips across his one last time. “Back to work?” Alis tried to feign a pout before breaking into a smile. The happiness she felt was more than she could restrain. Even though she knew they had to go attend to their duties, it didn't matter. They were together now.

“For now” There were promises in his voice and she shivered as they washed over her. 

“Perhaps I can come by tonight and we can continue our chat. Hopefully undisturbed?” She released his back but ran her hands over his chest. He was smiling like a fool as he took one of her hands in his. She definitely was gone and loving it.

“I'd like that.” He kissed her lips one more time before bringing up her hand and brushing his lips against the back of it. “Until then, Lady Trevelyan.”

They exchanged charged glances until he was back into his office, leaving her alone on the ramparts She nearly fell over as she wanted to roll around and giggle like a child on festival day.

She opened her arms wide and nearly danced as she walked to the nearest set of stairs. That had been awkward and she was a horrible mess, but Maker be praised she loved it. She loved him. That, she decided, was perfect.


	3. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set after "Confessions of a Lyrium Addict" so slight spoilers, if any.

It took her a minute or two to figure out where she was and what was going on. Being jolted out of dead sleep does that to a person. 

The darkness in the room told her it was still sometime before dawn. A couple hours had passed, perhaps? Certainly felt like it. She had been having an odd dream where someone had been calling for her. 

Turned out that the voice in her dream belonged to a soldier who seemed rather afraid to be in the Inquisitor's room. Her eyes were wide as she kept shyly staring over to where Alis propped herself up in bed. 

“Your Worship...” The woman's voice trembled as she spoke and avoided the Inquisitor's eyes. Her stomach dropped out of her body and most likely left a crater below her. Something was had happened. 

“What's wrong?” Alis was immediately up, tossing aside the covers without a second thought. She knew it in her heart what was wrong, but she prayed that it was unfounded fears. 

Sliding into whatever pieces of clothing she could find as fast as she could, she felt the words hammer against her. “It's Commander Cullen. He's in yard...”

That was all that needed to be said. Alis vaulted over the banister and was out the door before the soldier could even comprehend what was happening. Taking stairs two at a time she kept going until she made her way into the grand hall. Her feet couldn't carry her fast enough as she pushed through the large double doors and out into the night.

The freezing cold bit right through her thin clothing as she nearly ran toward the yard. Snow had began to cover the grounds of Skyhold in a fine layer of white. The snow took the light from the torches on the ramparts and turned the snow into molten gold. It made it much easier to find Cullen, though it didn't make it easier to look upon him.

He had obviously been in bed before coming out into the yard. Wearing nothing but a pair of breeches, Cullen was on his knees staring upward into the clouded sky. Even from far away she could hear him muttering softly to himself. 

She was wary as she approached him. Alis knew that Cullen was in the middle of breaking his lyrium addiction. Memories of her own father going through it after he resigned from the Order resurfaced, and knew what she could do and what she had to do. Nothing tonight would be easy, but she knew it was worth any cost. What he was going through could destroy a lesser person, but she knew Cullen was not such a man. He'd get through this.

Her booted feet crunched on the crisp, fresh snow as she came closer, but it drew no reaction from him. Instead his eyes never wavered from staring above as he hoarsely prayed. A prayer for protection and salvation was called out into the night sky. A prayer for help. Andraste preserve them both. 

Knowing better than to touch him while he was in such a state, she slowly circled him until she was standing before him. She sat back on her heels until she was eye level with him. Swallowing down the lump in her throat she fought to keep her voice even and steady. “Cullen. It's me, Alis. Can you hear me?”

Maker have mercy, he flinched at her voice but never ceased his muttering of the Chant. She took a couple steps closer until she was close enough to reach out to him. She said his name and this time he responded. His arm lashed out at her. Years of battle honed reflexes kicked in and she quickly skid back a pace to dodge it. 

“Leave me, demon!” His words danced and cracked over the frozen ground between them. Alis could hear the way fear tore at his throat from its seat in his heart. It made her flinch this time. She knew he didn't truly mean it, but it hurt all the same. What he must be reliving in his head to do this to him.

Alis had to only wonder what was happening for a moment before it hit her like a wall crashing upon her. Cullen was back in Kinloch, reliving his torture in vivid detail. The despair and pain, the horrors he endure was drowning him. 

The realization of what was happening was like a hundred daggers in her gut. She tossed those feelings aside, for whatever she felt was nothing compared to what he was going through. He needed her help, not her own pain.

Taking a deep breath she steadied her rattling nerves and put iron in her spine. She moved slow enough to not be seen as a threat, and kept just out of arm's reach in case he decided to take another swipe. “Cullen. It's me, Alis. I'm not a demon. I'm here to help you.”

“Demon.” He hissed again through gritted teeth. His eyes locked on her but never seeing her. They saw nothing but the past and nothing at the moment would convince him otherwise. It made her stomach churn, and bile burned in her throat. The lyrium had a death grasp on him.

His voice rose, full of a deep boiling rage tempered with sorrow. He jabbed a finger at her, his eyes burning with emotion as they stared her down. “How dare you take that form and use it against me. Those words and name that belong to her! You leave her out of this! You're trying to break me with her. It won't work. I will not let it.” 

Each word that passed his lips as a blade that cut her to the quick. It wasn't what he said that hurt, but the fact that he thought there was an actual demon using her to torture him. The idea of being the source of his pain was one of the worst wounds she had ever endured.

“Cullen, listen to me, please. I am not a demon. You're not at Ferelden's Circle. You're in Skyhold. You're home, and you are safe. Please, believe me.” It was a struggle not to want to raise her own voice and grab him, but she had to stay strong for him. 

Either way, a decision had to be made soon. She couldn't keep him out here much longer. They'd both freeze to death if they did. Her heart hammered away against her chest as she edged closer, trying everything she could. “Everything is going to be okay.”

“I will not break!” His voice tore at her ears as they bounced harshly off the walls. He slammed his fists into the ground and she nearly jumped out of her skin. Maker's Breath, that man had a strong will. He must have to have gone through such an ordeal.

Fearing he'd hurt himself if he got more agitated, Alis moved quickly. She angled her shoulder down as she lunged forward and caught him in the chest, knocking him on his back. Sliding through with the motion she ended up pinning him as best she could under her body. Her knees kept his arms down as she became dead weight upon his torso. 

He would not break and she would not yield. For them both, she'd be the Lioness her name implied. 

Cullen thrashed at being restrained. His body bucked beneath her as he tried to toss her off of him. Fortunately, Alis had years of experience in how to deal with violent drunkards twice her size and weight while working as a guard in Ostwick. Cullen was a skilled warrior, but she wouldn't be easily defeated. She shifted her body until the only thing that his thrashing did was jostle her a bit.

Leaning down over him while trying to maintain her balance, she gingerly cupped his face in her freezing cold hands and made him look her in the eyes once more. The pain in them nearly undid her. She could fall apart later when there wasn't anything on the line other than a good night's sleep. “Cullen, please.” 

For a moment he stilled and she thought she might finally be making progress. The hope that blossomed in her chest died under the cold anger that poured from him in waves. He shouted at her again, demanding she leave. A hard jerk and a twist later, he managed to get a hand free from under her knee. 

Instinctively she gripped his body harder with her legs and was able to stay on top of him. She grabbed his wrist and pinned it above his head to keep him from doing anything that he might regret later. Though she had him pinned down well enough time was running out.

The snow soaked through her clothing and she had to fight the shivers that racked her body. She could only imagine how Cullen was fairing with his bare back in the snow. He felt so cold to her touch that it was now the primary concern. She had to get him back inside and warm him up before he took a bad chill. Even if that meant dragging him there while he was still lost in memories.

Alis leaned over him until her face was only inches above his. He was spitting fire still as he tried to get her off of him. She pressed her forehead against his completely unfazed by his anger as it hurled itself against her. She had to reach him. She just had to. 

For the first time in recent memory tears welled in her eyes and ran hot down her face. They fell onto his cheeks and he fell quiet beneath her. Alis had been so good with controlling her tears for so much of her life that when it her control failed she was unable to stop. It shamed to her break when he needed her most, but since he wouldn't listen to words maybe he'd heed the tears.

“Cullen, please. Please come back. I'll keep you safe. I won't let anyone or anything hurt you anymore. Just please come back to me.” She sounded strong despite the tears that threatened to take her voice from her.

Over and over again she repeated herself, hoping that it would break through whatever was holding him. Seconds grew to minutes as they laid tangled in the snow as the cold finally starting to sap her of her strength. 

Desperately she tried to think of how she could drag him inside without a fight when she heard him, weak but untouched by the anger. “Alis?”

“Maker's breath, Cullen.” She fell against him as she wrapped her arms around him, holding him tight. Safe. Safe and himself again.

“Alis, what-” She blinked the tears away to get a good look at him. It hard to see what was in his eyes. 

He was confused but at the same time there was a glimmer of fear that he had done something. It was heartbreaking all the same. Cullen was waking from the walking nightmare he had just lived and his first concerned was written on his face: what have I done?

He started to ask more but she pressed a finger against his lips. Questions could come later after she got them in from the cold. “Hush now, let's get you inside and warmed up. I'll answer everything you ask afterward.” 

She got off of him, knowing he was finally back to his senses and helped him up. He was cold to the touch and shivering worse than she was. Without letting him think or react, she grabbed his hand and guided him back to her quarters. At least there she knew they'd have some privacy to work things out as well as a fire to warm them both.

Moving him close to the fireplace, she started to grab anything warm she could find laying about. He asked her questions as she moved, but she ignored him for the moment. Making sure he didn't die of cold was a priority and everything else could wait.

She had grabbed the last blanket she knew she had on hand when she felt Cullen grab her arm to stop her from moving away again. “Alis, answer me. What happened?”

A sigh came up from her toes as she tried to piece words together. “You were hallucinating, or maybe dreaming.” There wasn't any way she could lie about that part. It wouldn't do either of them any good. “I found you, and I helped you. You're safe now.”

Unable to look him in the eye she broke away as his grasp went soft. Silence stretched between them and a million unsaid things laid within. Alis wanted to pick them up, she truly did, but right now she was unsure if that was a good idea. Everything felt so fragile at the moment that at the wrong move might shatter it all into pieces.

“Forgive me.” Cullen broke the silence with his equally broken voice.

Always apologizing as if he was afraid of being a burden. It was endearing and a bit irritating at the same time. Maker bless him. 

“Nothing to forgive.” She quickly crossed what little distance there had been and wrapped herself around him, almost burrowing into the mountain of blankets she had layered to get to him. “It'll be okay. I promise.”

There was resistance at first as if he wanted to continue to apologize until she accepted it but he must have remembered how futile it was to do so wit her, and gave in as he returned her embrace. He nuzzled his face into her neck for a moment before he pulled back and looked her in the eye. “I didn't hurt you did I?”

She shook her head, and brushed a hand over his cheek. “No. Did I hurt you?”

“No, but I did notice you had to restrain me. I...feared the worst.” He hung his head down and she winced harshly.

Alis cupped his face in her hands and made him look at her again. Summoning the face she wore when she was being the Inquisitor in public, she put steel in her voice. “You didn't hurt me in the slightest. I just was worried about you. I think I may have been a touch melodramatic, but in my defense I was, am, half asleep.”

“I woke you?” He asked. “Maker's breath, I'm sorry.”

“Someone came to get me. Which I am thankful for and no, I don't know who it was. I'm just grateful they came to get me.” Someone who was told to grab Alis if something was going on with Cullen, and neither of them made such arrangements? She'd have to have a talk with Leliana in the morning. 

“I see. I'm sorry I put you in such a position.” He looked pained again and her heart ached for him. He was worried about what he put her through? Cullen, who had endured that horrible hallucination was worried about her. She wanted to roll her eyes, laugh and kiss him for it. Maker, this man drove her mad.

She forced a very dramatic frown before bopping his nose with a fingertip. Cullen blinked and she offered him a weary smile in return. “You are apologizing to me? For what? Because you are doing something brave? Honestly Cullen, you have nothing to apologize for. Even if you think it was wrong to involve me in this, I would have anyway involved myself in it anyway.” 

Alis leaned up and pressed her lips against his. They were soft and sweet, and yielded to her as she kissed him deeply. She broke the kiss and left her lips hovering over his, almost pressing her words to them. “I love you. Your fight is mine and I will be damned if you go through hell without me by your side to fight off the demons.”

The smile she got in return was blinding. He crushed her to his body and she held onto him just as tight. She nuzzled her face to the crook of his neck as she breathed him in. Alis loved him, her lion, with all of her heart and she would not let him think for one moment that he was in this alone. He wasn't a burden and most of all she was going to be right there with him no matter what. It was best he understand that now since it wasn't going to ever change.

“I love you.” She felt him say it against her shoulder, more than she heard it. She kissed his neck as she snuggled against him in response, unable to get words out anymore.

Grabbing his hands she led him to her bed and climbed on it. There was no offer of love making, she was sure neither of them were in a good enough state to enjoy it besides. It was on offer of warmth and safety. She wanted him to rest, and to be warm and loved. Snuggling seemed like the best way to achieve all three.

He climbed in next to her and she drew him close. Laying her head on his chest, she hummed softly. It was her way of letting him know she was there, and that he was safe.

Under the piles of blankets it easily grew warm quickly, and sleepiness started to take hold of them both. It had been a trying night but it somehow felt as if a corner was turned. No nightmares would plague them that night. If there were, they'd face them like they would face everything else: together.


	4. My Champion

“Champion Trevelyan.”

Alis looked up from her desk to see Cullen walking into her quarters. She had long ago given him permission to enter any time he felt like it. It took him entirely too long to finally get comfortable enough to do so. Eventually she wanted to work him up to staying the night in her bed, considering her room didn't have holes in the ceiling. Wouldn't that be novel.

She put her quill down with a sigh. “I take it Lord Chancer has been telling everyone, then?”

“He hasn't been shy about saying so.” Cullen offered a wry smile as exasperation spilled over her face.

“Ah, well, I do hope this letter reaches my father before the gossip does. I figure he might like to hear about that from me for a change.” She stretched her arms over her head and sighed as she waited for the ink to dry before sealing it. 

Cullen reached over and brushed a lock of hair from her face. “Worried about how he'll react?”

That got a shrug out of her as she brushed her hands across the thighs of her pants. Unsurprisingly there were already some ink stains on it. Josephine was not going to be pleased about the Inquisitor ruining more of her wardrobe. “Not at all. He'll be proud, I'm sure.”

“He should. I know I am.” Cullen said with such bare admiration and love that she blushed. 

He brushed a hand across her cheek as she came to him. She laid her head against his chest as he pulled her close. She sighed as she felt him press a kiss to the top of her head. “Thank you. I was hoping you would approve.”

“I do. Though I am a bit confused. I thought you mentioned to me you were interested in becoming a templar?” There were shadows in his eyes as he asked and her heart ached.

Ah, so there it was. She was wondering when that was going to come up. Her mouth opened for a moment before closing. “I was.”

“What changed your mind?” He asked running his fingers through her hair absently. 

A momentary struggle with words ensued before she finally picked the winners out. Though winner wasn't quite how she'd describe them. They were the best she had and she knew it wouldn't even start to cover how she felt. She said them anyway. “You did.”

“I did?” He sounded surprised by that. Apparently that was not the answer he had been expecting. It made her wonder what he had been expecting. His brow knit as he tried to figure things out on his own. 

“You had seemed so interested I was sure you'd chose it. When I had heard from Lord Chancer that you'd had become a Champion instead, well, I have to admit I was a bit surprised.” He rubbed the back of his neck.

The memory of their conversation weeks before loomed large in her mind. It cast shadows in her eyes as they fell way from his. “It was the way you responded when I asked you about it.”

There was a look of panicked dismay on his face. “If I made you feel that you couldn't-” 

Alis put a finger to his lips to forestall what he was about to say. “You didn't make me feel like I couldn't. I just couldn't go through with it. I mean, I see Cassandra on the battlefield using those abilities for such good. Then there's my father who did the same thing. And then my brother. It made me question whether I should follow in their footsteps. I know the Order has been crushed and broken, twisted away from what they were, but maybe it could be made anew. They could be made better. I thought that maybe I could have helped.”

Her words hit him like a blow and she knew it. He took in a deep breath and rubbed her cheek with a gloved thumb. His voice was softer than she expected and without any heat. “Then you asked me about it.”

Her mouth felt as dry as the Hissing Wastes. She had to work to get the rest of the words out. “I told you that I'd was willing to make sacrifices to protect people, just like templars do. You told me how you thought you had lost me at Adamant and how I nearly died at Haven. I could hear it in your voice. I-” She winced as her voice cracked into brittle little pieces. “I knew I couldn't go down that path again. I'm willing to do what I have to, to protect those I love, but the cost was just too much.”

Those fragile words hung in the air until Cullen released the breath he had been holding and blew them away. “You didn't become a templar because of me? Because of what I told you?”

Tears welled in her eyes as she balled her hands into fists. She lightly tapped them against his chest as she tried not to let her emotions get the better of her. She was failing miserably. “I couldn't do that to you! I've done that to you before and it kills me when I think about that. Every time I come back I can see it in your eyes! You fear the worst. 

“Then there's being a templar on top of that, and sacrifices are part and parcel to it all. I don't need you worrying about whether I'm going to use my power to lay down my life. You already worry enough without me adding more to that burden. Knowing how much pain I caused you...I just can't. I can't do it, Cullen.” There was no stopping her now. The stone was rolling down the hill and picking up speed.

Her breath hitched in her chest as she spoke around the open wound in her heart. “Then there's what you've gone through. The price of power that you have paid, that you continue to pay. It hurts to see you hurt. I can't imagine putting you through that as well. I kicked myself hard afterwe talked, because I was so intent on what I wanted I had forgotten everything else.”

“Alis.” Cullen said, his voice steady but quiet.

She paid him no heed and barreled on, her voice rising even as it shook itself to pieces. “No. I mean it. I've watched you fight your lyrium addiction. I saw what it did to my father and how it has taken its toll on him. The thought of what it will to do my brother, if he's is still alive. It's a price I don't want to pay. A price I don't want you to pay. I can't do it. I won't.” 

Her mind wanted to stop the emotions pouring from her mouth but her body wouldn't heed her orders. She wanted to calm down, to be more rational, but she couldn't. When she felt so deeply it hurt she just couldn't be.

“Alis.” His voice was a breathy whisper in her ear as he crushed her to him. 

A couple moments of hard breathing and she was able to quell the torrent back into calmer waters. She pressed her forehead to his shoulder and felt him rub her back. He knew just what she needed. He always did, Maker bless him. She didn't deserve him, but that was another fight all together. One that she'd wage another day.

Cullen's voice was barely audible when he finally spoke. “So, you decided to become a Champion instead.”

She sounded shaky even in her own ears, but did her best to convey a sense of confidence anyway. “I did. I can still protect others, but in a better way. At least without you worrying nearly as much. Besides, Blackwall has been chiding me for having no sense of defense in battle. Figured it was about time to do something about that. What better way than become a walking fortress.” 

He didn't say anything in reply. He watched her face as if searching for something there. He looked both sad and relieved. Worry still lurked under the surface even as his voice was steady. “Are you happy?”

“I am and don't you dare feel bad about about this. You did not stop me. If I really wanted to you know I would have made the choice I felt is right. It wasn't, so I chose differently. So there.” She sniffed before putting on an air of smugness that would have given any Orlesian noble a run for their money.

At least he cracked a smile at that. His eyes soften and the doubt that was there was gone. His shoulders dropped until he looked far more happy than he had before. “I know you would have. I just feel-”

“Awful about being happy about my decision?” She was rewarded with a wince for guessing right. She bopped his nose with a finger before kissing it. “Don't. I want you happy and there are precious few things I want as badly as that.”

He took a kiss from her in return, hard and hot. She leaned into it as her arms went around his neck. If only she could kiss all the pain she'd cause him away. If only. He sighed as they broke the kiss. He almost looked a bit sheepish. “I'm sorry.”

“Whatever for?” She brushed her fingers over the stubble on his jawline, savoring the roughness there.

“I should have supported you better. I was so wrapped up in my worry about what could have happened, I left you to figure it out on your own.” He looked away until her fingers turned his gaze to her.

“Don't ever be. I love you. I know who I am and what I have to do as the Inquisitor, but I want to live through it so I can be with you at the end of all this. Hard to have a future together if I don't survive to see it. If that's alright with you, of course.” Alis gave him the biggest lopsided grin she could and watched as he smiled in return.

“I can't imagine it any other way, my champion.” He chuckled as he recaptured her lips between his.

She grinned like a fool into his kiss. The air had been cleared and they both knew it was okay. She melted into his embrace as he began to drag her towards her bed. She sighed as she fell back onto the mound of pillows and blankets on it. “I like the sound of that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a warrior, Alis had the option of asking Cullen about becoming a templar. Choosing the reasoning of wanting to protect people got a very heartbreaking response. I chickened out and went with Champion. And thus we have this. As always if you got prompts or the like, feel free to send 'em over.


	5. Something Borrowed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She looked so cold and he'd rather she not freeze to death. She'd only borrow it for the night. What harm could that cause?

Cullen shivered as he left the warmth of the chantry and into the bitter cold night. He had needed to do one last thing before turning in. Late nights seemed a more common occurrence lately as the Inquisition was busy of late. Trying to get the Inquisition up and running had been a hard task. Though now with the Herald returned from Val Royeaux, maybe they could gain some traction.

They had talked a handful of times since she had originally stabilized the Breach. She always seemed to find time to speak with him while she was heading in and out of Haven on whatever she had been asked to do. She had been very pleasant to talk to, even if she did have a million questions. He didn’t mind it in the least. It had been awhile since he last had someone take such an interest in what he had to say.

Never mind that Lady Trevelyan was a beautiful woman with a good sense of humor and a deep sense of honor. He had started to look forward to talking with her, even if it did leave him a bit breathless. If he was going to be honest with himself he had to admit that he did feel something stir in him when she came by and spoke with him. Though it was hard to pin down those wiggling feelings.

Those feelings were making his mind a muddled mess as he made his way down to the cabins where he was going to drop off the duty roster for the next morning. He had just turned them in when he noticed her, as if his thoughts had summoned her. She was walking around in nothing more than the light clothing that Josephine had found for her, her eyes upwards to the sky above.

He wondered what she could be doing wandering around at such a late hour in the freezing cold in barely anything. Maybe something was wrong. He figured he’d ask, just to make sure she was okay.

Cullen cleared his throat to make sure he didn’t startle her. “Lady Trevelyan?”

She jumped anyway and turned to face him. Her cheeks were red even in the dim light of the nearby fires. “Ah, Commander. I didn’t see you there. I’m not disturbing you, am I?”

“No, of course not.” He was getting cold just looking at her. How could she stand it? “I hope I didn’t disturb you. I just thought to see if you were alright.” Maker have mercy, he was stumbling over his words again in front of her. That was happening more and more frequently. It was becoming troublesome.

Lady Trevelyan’s smile was wide but there was something in his eyes he couldn’t decipher. Whatever was there passed quickly and she rubbed her cheeks absently. “Nothing’s wrong. I was just taking a walk to clear my head. The stars are so beautiful out here besides.”

Cullen followed her line of sight up to the heavens above. The stars were shimmering jewels in the dark velvet of the night. He could see why she’d take a walk. They were beautiful and oddly peaceful. He looked over to Trevelyan who was caught up in their splendor again, completely ambivalent to the cold, even as she started to shiver.

He had no idea what possessed him to do it but he found himself shrugging out of his fur lined coat. She startled as he draped it over her shoulders. The fur nearly engulfed her face as he pulled it closer around her. “Here. If you’re going to stargaze it’s best if you don’t freeze to death doing so. I’d rather not find you frozen solid in the morning.”

“Commander, I couldn’t-I mean, it’s yours. You need it.” The rosiness on her cheeks deepened to what conspicuously looked like a blush. Cullen decided he rather liked that look on her.

He couldn’t stop the grin form tugging at his lips. “Not for tonight. I’m heading back in. You can borrow it, I insist.”

The redness in her cheek spread to where the fur hid the rest of her face. Her eyes peaked out over the red and black tufts at him. Trevelyan wrapped his coat around her body tightly and looked away. “Thank you, Commander. You’ll have it back by morning. I promise.”

Satisfied she’d not freeze to death under his watch, he gave her a bow of his head. “Have a good night, Lady Trevelyan.”

“And you, Commander. Pleasant dreams.” Her voice came muffled from behind the soft fur of the collar as she turned back towards the vault of the heavens above.

Morning came and true to her word, Lady Trevelyan returned it as he made his way towards the makeshift training yard early in the morning. She handed it back to him and thanked him profusely for letting her borrow it.

Her cheeks were still rosy, however, and he offered for her to borrow it longer if she was still cold. She thanked him again but said she was plenty warm. She left him with a smile as she headed back towards the chantry, mentioning that she’d hope she’d see him later.

There was still a lingering warmth from her body upon it as he started to put it back on. He realized something was a bit different as he tugged it into place. He barely noticed it until he turned his head and pressed the fur to his nose. Breathing in he could catch hints of sweetness and spice upon it. It dawn on him: it smelled of her.

He forced his mind to stop before it started, and focus on the task of training the recruits. It was hard, however, as he walked up and down the ranks barking orders and giving direction. The wind brought traces of her to his nose, eroding his will away with each breath. They were little reminders of her as he went about his day, though it began to fade as morning turned to afternoon.

He tried not to think about it, but he couldn’t stop himself as he caught the last hints of her as they drifted away. Finished with the recruits he walked up towards the chantry. The thought finally emerged and whispered in his ear. Maybe he’d have to let her borrow it again. It was cold after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based this on a silly 3 AM doodle I made. Have some fluff. For now. Mwahahahahahaha


	6. So Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Spoilers for In Your Heart Shall Burn]

Freezing to death was not how she imagined she'd die.

Old age had been the one she'd ask for. In battle had been the one she'd put money on if asked, because a warrior's death should be in battle. Freezing to death while lost in the ice-covered ass end of Ferelden was not even remotely on her list. If someone had said that, she would have questioned why the hell she'd ever be in Ferelden let alone dying of cold there. Funny how the Maker works.

She should have been dead dozen of times before besides. Alis had been surprised that she survived the avalanche she intentionally caused, not to mention running into the Elder One who brought an army to kill her. Then there was the fall into the cave, but it only left her very badly bruised and some cracked ribs at worst. All that should have killed her failed to. 

Now she was barely managing to get through the knee deep snow as she walked through the mountain passes in search for the rest of the Inquisition. It was a very remote chance, considering she had no idea where the actual path they took was nor did she have any inkling as to where the hell she was. Still, she'd take it for there were no other options.

The further she pressed on, the harder it became. It would be around the next corner,she told herself in a hissing whisper through chattering teeth. She had to believe that. The alternative was to come to terms that she was lost, alone, hurt and slowly dying of cold. So she kept moving forward, talking to herself about it being the next corner.

Time passed as the mountains threw everything they had at her. She had no chance to prepare for a trek into the mountains at night, and had nothing but what she had escaped with. That amounted to the armor she had been wearing, her weapon, and little else. Moving forward was her only source for warmth, and even that was quickly taken away with the mountain wrath.

The wind wailed and shrieked in her ears as they raked its sharp claws against any bit of skin exposed. Snow caked her hair and found its way into the seams of her armor, to her skin, chilling her further. The Frostbacks wanted her dead, and she could feel them slowly winning. She knew it wouldn't be much longer if she couldn't find the rest of the Inquisition. No amount of hope would save her then.

Alis hoped the others had gotten to safety before the snow claimed Haven. Bull, Dorian, and Varric hadn't been around when she had come face to face with the Elder One. She only hoped they had found a way out. The thought that they were-no, she'd not think of it.

At least Cullen and the others had escaped. It had been hard turning her back to him and heading out into the night. There wasn't any other way that was going to play out. Someone needed to stop the onslaught of those assholes, and she knew it had to be her. Still, it had been one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do.

It had been the look on Cullen's face when he realized what she was doing that had made it hard. There had been something there, some flitting emotion in his eyes that tugged at her heart and made her want to stay. It had been the shadows that passed over his face as she offered herself up to save them all. 

What feelings that had been lurking in her heart surfaced when she saw that, and whispered in her ear. Take him in your arms, kiss him, tell him what you've locked away before it was too late. There hadn't been time, even if she wanted to. Instead, she left him behind without another look back. It had been for the best.

Now she was left with all that regret as she forced her stiff legs through ever deepening snow. She should have said something. Now she'd die without ever saying anything and she knew what happened to people who left things unresolved. She'd probably end up as some ghost haunting somewhere bitching about how she never admitted how she felt. That would be so damn annoying.

The hours passed further with no sign of any life except for the howling of distant wolves. At least the winds had died down, though the cold had grown worse, if it was even possible. Her steps slowed to a crawl as the strength to continue faded. It took every ounce of will she had to keep her body moving forward. Just around the corner. It had to be. 

The constant shivering was taking over wholly as she started up the incline of the path as it cleaved the mountain in two. She had to almost pick her entire leg up and push it forward with her hands to keep going. It was getting to the end. She could feel it, though she didn't want to. She'd push on until she fell. Trevelyans never gave up without fighting until the very end. She'd not disappoint her father and definitely not disappoint herself.

There a few feet ahead of her was the remnants of a fire. Probably long since cold, like all the others she found had been. She staggered past it, unwilling to check. That one would be no different, she thought. Even though she could have sworn she saw embers glowing dimly in the ash she ignored it. Maker, she was getting so desperate for any kind of hope that she was imagining embers. How far gone was she?

The path rose before her, snaking between clefts in the mountain before disappearing back down. One more corner to round. Maybe the last one. It was a a struggle, but she made it to the crest of the path when she saw something just around the corner. 

At first she swore it was a hallucination of a desperate mind but as she staggered forward it was becoming brighter and more clear: a large camp. Maker, please don't be an ass about this. Let her die without false hope. This was mean and she hadn't done anything of late to deserve that.

“There! It's her!” Cullen's voice nearly killed her. 

It wasn't a dream. She had found them. Maker be praised, she'd found them. She would have cried if she could have.

She fell to her knees as she saw them run towards her. Relief flooded through her tired, beaten, frozen body and she nearly pitched face forward into the snow. The shivering took away any strength from her, but didn't matter anymore. She was safe now. It'd be okay.

“Thank the Maker!” Cassandra's own relief sent warmth through her soul. Alis had never been so happy to hear their voices. They had all made it. Everything that had happened was worth it if they were okay. 

Sitting on her legs she found herself unable to rise. She couldn't feel them anymore to make them move even if she wanted to. She closed her eyes as she sat there, exhaustion riding on the back of the wave of relief. Sleep beckoned her as darkness lurked in the corners of her sight. She nearly yielded when they came upon her.

“Herald, are you alright?” Cassandra asked breathlessly as they came upon her.

Alis tried to nod but nothing seemed to work anymore. The only thing her body seemed to be capable of was breathing and shaking from the cold. A hand touched her forehead. It was so warm, and it felt so good that she closed her eyes and pressed her head against it trying to soak it in. 

“Maker's Breath, she's freezing.” Cullen hissed as he moved his hand from her forehead to her cheek, feeling how icy her skin was. 

A sarcastic response was somewhere in her mind but for the life of her she couldn't get it to her tongue. Her tongue was probably frozen solid anyway. The only thing she cared about was how damn warm his hand felt. 

She started to object as he moved his hand away, but his hands went from her head to under her knees and against her back. She felt herself being lifted into his arms, cradled gently against his chest. Forcing her heavy eyes open she saw Cullen's face so close to hers. His breath a halo of mist against the starlight above. Maker's breath, it was the most beautiful sight she'd ever seen.

Her head was against his shoulder, pillowed by the fur of his coat as she felt him hold her tightly. Normally she would have been a blushing, stuttering mess but, she was too frozen to care now. He was warm, and he held her safely in his arms. She could die of embarrassment later. Right now she'd enjoy the view.

He looked worriedly down at her as he walked back towards the camp. His voice carried the strain on his face. “We need to get her by the fire and get her warm, quickly.”

Knowing she was safe, Alis buried her face into the fur of his collar as he carried her back towards camp. It felt so good. Maker, he felt so good. She closed her eyes again knowing that she'd wake up warm instead of dead. So when sleep called to her, she found she hadn't the energy or will to fight it this time.

The last thought she had as she drifted off to sleep in Cullen's arms was at least she wasn't going to freeze to death in the frozen ass end of Ferelden. Instead she was falling asleep in some Ferelden's arms . Much better.


	7. Family

If one could die from awkwardness, she would have been dead hours ago.

Her father had surprised her with a visit to Skyhold. Since her eldest brother's wife just recently given birth her father had figured to give them the space and time to adjust to the newborn and the most recent addition to the Trevelyan clan. So there he was standing in Cullen's office talking with the Commander.

It was beyond awkward.

That had come from the fact that her father knew that she and Cullen were together. She had told him, after all. Alis knew that since he'd find out anyway, it would go much smoother if she simply was honest from the beginning. So she had written him a letter. The reply she had gotten was a simple acknowledgment of what she said and little else. Then came the message about the visit.

Maker, she'd had been so good, why hath He forsaken her?

Cullen had been understandably distressed by all of this. She had attempted to quell his panic, and told him not to worry. As long as he cared for her, that was what was important. Her father being disappointed had no bearing on them as a couple. It'd only affect her relationship with her father. That part she hadn't told him. Well, not yet at any rate.

She loved her father dearly, and he had been nothing but supportive most of her life. Even when the other members of their house pressured her to make a decision to either join the Chantry or join the Order he had put her desires above all others. He'd let her make whatever decision she wanted, even if it was to do nothing at all. In return she did everything he asked of her without question or hesitation. 

Being born in nobility meant that there were things expected of her. Alis had known this and accepted it without complaint. She wore elaborate dresses, attended salons, played the Game when needed, and was diplomatic even when she wanted nothing more than to stab things. She did it all because she knew that was her duty to her house, and to her father.

If her duty, and her father, told her that she had to end it with Cullen she knew she'd have to cross that line in the sand. Her family or the family she wanted to make with the man she loved? It wasn't an easy choice and she hoped it was one she wouldn't have to make. Still if her hand was forced she'd chose.

So far things had been going well enough. Her father had been cordial if not a bit intimidating. He was the one to start the conversations, which resulted mostly shop talk. They talked about the soldiers, the defenses, Skyhold itself before moving on to talking about the Order. Both men had walked away from that life and both knew the pain of lyrium withdrawal. Her father offered up advice on how to endure it better and the promise that it did get a lot better with time. 

It didn't make it any less awkward that her father and the man she loved were talking face to face for the first time. There was tension in the air so thick she could have choked to death on it if she weren't already holding her breath. 

Alis had been waiting for the other shoe to drop, but it never did. At least not in front of Cullen. Her father, satisfied with the conversation, asked her to escort him to his room. It had been a long day and he unfortunately, was not as spry as he used to be. With a promise of a chess match between the commander and her father upon the morrow, she led her father back towards his room.

Her father was the first one to break the silence between them as they walked. “Cullen is a good man.” It was innocent enough, to be sure, but it made her stomach squirm. It was coming, she knew it.

“One of the best men I have ever known.” She replied as evenly as she could.

She meant every word. Cullen, while admittedly had been less than a decent person in the past, was attempting to do better. So far he had done that, and more. He gave everything he had to protect others, keeping people safe and making sure they could stop the Elder One. He'd do anything for her. She could ask for no better.

“He's got a good sense of honor and duty, and he knows what is truly important as well. The first two are well enough but without a good handle on what is right and what is important, it's nothing.” The words were carefully constructed and even his face was blank. He may not have been a diplomat, but he had learned well enough to stonewall most who wanted to know what he was thinking.

“I agree.” She wanted to say more but the contents of her stomach were attempting to crawl out of her mouth.

“I talked to some old friends of mine, those who knew him when he took over Kirkwall, and also those who knew what happened to him back in Ferelden.” They walked into the guest room and he shut the door behind them.

Maker, here it comes.

“Oh?” Alis said through clenched teeth to keep her stomach from exiting prematurely.

“Did you think I wouldn't ask?” There wasn't any anger there, only mild amusement. “Did you not know that as soon as you said something, I'd take a look into this man who had had taken my daughter's heart?”

She leaned against the wall for support, feeling her legs wobble along with her stomach. Traitors, both of them. She'd send them into exile for this. A hard swallow was needed to speak again. “And what did they say?”

“They said it was an awful mess back in Kinloch. After hearing what he went through I'm surprised he's in one piece. Even more so after having to deal with Meredith.” The disgust in his voice hissed like acid on stone.

He may not have been a templar any more but he had been well liked enough to always have friends and kept in the loop. Meredith was not one of those friends.

“I thought you knew about what happened in Kirkwall?” He had gotten letters from many members in the Order over what happened. Some even called for him to move his own son, a Knight-Captain in his own right, over to Kirkwall to help Cullen out. How had he not at least known that?

“I did, but I didn't figure it was the same man until I put two and two together.” Her father shrugged before a wry smile tugged at his lips. “However, you did not mention he was the Knight-Captain in Kirkwall either, my dear. Only that he was an ex-templar and Commander of the Inquisition.”

“I thought you knew.” Her fingers absently ran through her hair in an attempt to soothe herself. If the awkwardness hadn't killed her, the stress might. “But yes, it's the same man.”

“No. Not truly. No one comes out of things like that the same. However, he seems to be doing just fine.” The words didn't quite match the tone. 

Alis could read between the lines. If her father had truly asked around, he'd hear about why Cullen felt so ashamed of who he was. That was probably part of the reason he'd visit, of course. See if it was still true or not. 

“No, not truly, but he will be.” She put steel in her voice and straightened her shoulders out. He was still struggling with some days harder than others, but she'd see him through. They'd make it okay together.

Her father looked down at her with more lines in his face than she can remember as the blank mask fell away. His blue eyes which oft could intimidate most men were soft and kind. He patted her shoulder with a broad hand. “You did well.”

Wait, what? Was he saying what she thought he was saying?

She had to swallow hard to get the lumps in her throat to move out of the way so her voice escape. “You approve then?”

He nodded as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, giving them a squeeze. There was a hint of laughter in his voice that she knew meant that he was being her father, instead of Lord Trevelyan. “Isabelle and I did not raise a foolish daughter. I had no doubt that you would choose a man who was beyond worthy of your affection. Still, I was a bit concerned after what I heard, but I also had heard that he was quite different now. A man worthy of the Inquisitor, as it were. So he is, and who he is now is someone I approve of.”

She could have fainted. He approved. Thank the fucking Maker.

“Even with no title and no land?” One battle had been fought and won. Now the other one she had been concerned with was coming to a head. She'd face that one down too before she could claim victory.

“You were worried about that?” Her father looked thoroughly amused. 

“I was worried his lack of title might be of a concern. Not to you, I know you don't seem to care about that, but to the rest of our family.” Saying it out loud was almost a relief. It had been a hard thing to keep bottled up inside, especially away from Cullen. 

“Some might, but then again those that would also bandied your name and the Inquisition's name about for personal gain. So to put it politely, they can go fuck themselves.” He snorted even as he waved his hand about as if to clear the air of it all.

Alis burst out laughing. There was the father she knew. He might have become more diplomatic as the years went on, but every now and again he spoke plainly. “Father, I do hate to break it to you, but telling someone to go fuck themselves is hardly polite.”

“It's far more polite than the other words I had in mind.” His laugh was hearty and earnest. It was a bit of home.

“Fair enough, I suppose. I'll try that on Josephine some time and see what she says. Or watch how she reacts.” The grin on her face was wide enough it was starting to hurt. It felt good. “I'm glad you approve. I didn't want to have to tell you I was going to have to get disowned so I can stay with Cullen.”

He pulled his daughter into a tight hug She fit right under his chin, even as a grown woman. “I know I'm probably more lenient with you and your brothers than most noble families would allow. I often hear how losing your mother was the reason I am as such. But, I'd like to think that your happiness is more important than titles or power.”

Alis could never find words to describe how grateful she was for that, and how much she loved him. She looked up at him and smiled, hoping to put it all into her face instead. She chuckled as she felt tears prick the corners of her eyes. “That's why we're the eighth most powerful family in Ostwick and no greater, you know.”

“As it almost always has been. Besides, with everything you are doing here you're achieving more than any in our family could ever aspire to, and any family in the Free Marches could hope for. We're proud of you, you know that, right?” He ruffled her hair until she squirmed, as tradition dictated.

“I'm glad. I want to do you proud.” She fiercely hugged him until his own embrace made her squeak. 

“You always do.” He patted her head and looked like he was almost in tears himself. He coughed into a fist and nodded back the way they came. “Go to him. He's probably worried about what we're talking about.”

Alis couldn't stop the laugh that came to her lips. “You noticed he was worried too? He was trying so hard not to show it.”

“He did well, but I'm an old hand at this. So go, tell him I approve, but when he asks for your hand he has to come to me first. Some decorum I refuse to allow to fall by the wayside.” Her father teased as he crossed her arms across his chest.

“That's you, such a traditionalist.” They shared another laugh until all the tension bled away. She smiled as he bade her a good night and went to settle in.

Maker's breath, that went better than expected. She hadn't died, no disapproval, and best of all Cullen would be welcomed into her family, if he decided he wanted that. Some days she wondered if maybe she really was Andraste's chosen. After that, she might start to be a little more religious. Okay, maybe not, but she'd try to be better about it. 

She opened the door to his tower to find Cullen pacing restlessly in his office. His nerves were almost a palpable force in the room and it ran like lightning across her skin. He stopped when he saw her and opened his mouth to speak until he looked her in the eyes. 

The smile on her face must have been enough because he closed his mouth and went to her. He took her in his arms and they held each other tightly. 

“He likes you. Though he says if we want to get married, you have to ask him first.” Alis giggled as she felt Cullen's face in the crook of her neck.

His voice tickled her skin as he sighed in relief, almost sagging against her. “I think I can manage that.”

She held onto him tightly, letting him know it was alright. Everything would be alright. She had her family behind her, and her future family before her. It was awkward, but it was hers. She'd take it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Prompt given was family. I figured the easy way would be them finding out they're going to have a baby, or actually dealing with said children. However, I thought it'd be a bit interesting seeing how her family (father) deals with meeting Cullen instead. I'll get to the children, eventually >_>


End file.
